At therapy today, I set a new record of walking 39 feet with braces. I didn’t really know what Jeremy (my therapist) had in mind. We have braced up (I sound like a horse getting saddled up!) many times before and practiced standing and some steps at the parallel bars and also in this harness thing where they take like 50% of your body weight off. However, today he said “Give me a minute to go get a spotter”.
He came back with a rolling walker and another therapist and said we were going to the hallway. I wish I had a camera for the scene that followed – well, no I don’t because it must have really looked silly. It gave me a good laugh. Imagine me sitting in the chair with my legs sticking straight out (because they are braced). I can’t go forward myself because my shoes are touching the floor and my legs won’t bend to put them on the footplate. I can’t pick them up myself and push myself, so Jeremy just gets in front of me and picks up my feet and the other therapist pushed me and I just set there wondering where they were taking me and what were we about to attempt. You probably had to be there but we looked really funny!
Out in the hallway, Jeremy said that we were going to see how far we could go today without bars. I was able to get up (with a little assistance – rolling walkers on linoleum is not the most secure feeling in the world!) and we were ready to go.
This is the part of the story that has inspired this post. I can’t feel my feet on the floor and can’t really tell where my legs are in relation to the rest of my body so I have to watch to see what is happening. Since you can’t tell where your feet are, it is very hard to ever feel balanced. With the balance issue and feeling very unsure of what your lower body is going to do, I cling on for dear life to that walker! Ever so slowly, one lurching micro-step at a time, you make progress. I was focusing so intently on each step that I didn’t even notice where we were in the hallway. My arms were burning, every muscle from my neck to my waist felt strained, 3 fingers on each hand were numb from gripping the walker so tight, and Jeremy said “just a tiny bit more Alicia”. It was then I looked up and we were about 5 feet from a doorway. I said, “I want to pass that door.” He said “Okay.”
After awhile, my legs just hardly won’t go anymore. The muscles just decided they have had enough and they will not do anything else. When this has happened on the parallel bars, Jeremy always takes his hand and moves the leg/foot where it needs to go and moves it forward for you. By the time, I had looked up and decided to pass that door, I was already struggling. He kept reaching down and wanting to help and I said “Jeremy, I am going to pretend to be my 2 year old. I want to do it all by myself.” So, he was patient with me and let me try.
I didn’t think I would make it those last 3 feet – literally the width of that doorway. It took about 10 minutes, but I finally made it! I collapsed into my chair absolutely drenched and exhausted and Jeremy patted me on the back and said “Good job.”
My mind has been thinking about this beautiful hymn and what it really means in our lives. Of course, music is a huge part of my life and always speaks to my heart. If only we would concentrate hard to make sure to guard each step we take. If only we would cling to our precious Savior as much as I clung on to that walker! Realizing that without it, I could do nothing! If only I tried so very hard, that every ounce of energy I had would go into a life of pleasing Christ because I have a goal in mind – not of reaching Heaven, that has been paid for by the blood of Jesus, but of hearing my Heavenly Father say to me “Good job. Well done thou good and faithful servant.”
Each Step I Take
Each step I take my Saviour goes before me,
And with His loving hand He leads the way,
And with each breath I whisper “I adore Thee;”
Oh, what joy to walk with Him each day.
Each step I take I know that He will guide me;
To higher ground He ever leads me on.
Until some day the last step will be taken.
Each step I take just leads me closer home.
At times I feel my faith begin to waver,
When up ahead I see a chasm wide.
It’s then I turn and look up to my Saviour,
I am strong when He is by my side.
I trust in God, no matter come what may,
For life eternal in His hand,
He holds the key that opens up the way,
That will lead me to the promised land.
One thought on “Each step I take….”
Hello.We just wanted to take a moment to let you know how much we enjoy your blog and your attempts to raise awareness for MS! MS is a cause that is near and dear to us as well as Laina's mother suffered from MS. Our slogan is Orange is the new pink! So many people do not know what Multiple Sclerosis is. Even less know that orange is the color representing Multiple Sclerosis. However, you would be surprised to find someone who didn’t know that pink was the color to represent Breast Cancer. That needs to change!! We need orange to be just as recognizable as pink!! We have Tshirts, women's tees, sweatshirts, and totes. Check them out at http://lainamolaski.com/about/multiple-sclerosis/ and also look at http://lainamolaski.com/about/world-ms-day/. We kicked off an initiative on May 5th to try and raise $3,000 by World MS Day on May 26th. Thanks again and keep up the good work!