Feeling Jumpy

Several years ago, I took a red oil lantern and wired it for electricity and turned it into a reading lamp for my boys. They had taken it downstairs to their new bedroom and wanted to use it. It kept flickering on and off, like it wasn’t plugged in good, but it was. We have concluded that there must be a short in the wiring now, and it is not safe for them to use. I must repair that lamp before it will be able to be used again.

Yesterday at therapy, my therapist decided we were going to work on my hamstrings – the muscle that runs up the back of your leg above your knees. He laid me on my stomach, put a large pillow roll under my ankles and said “Try to pull your foot up towards your backside”. Well, the most unusual things started happening! On my right leg (the stronger one), I would tell my foot to come up and it would move about an inch, then down it would go, again I would tell it and it would hop about 3 inches, back and forth I fought with it until it finally jumped so big I about kicked myself in the head! (okay, slight exaggeration but I want you to get the picture!)The actual hamstring muscle was jumping so bad under my skin that it looked someone had implanted Mexican jumping beans behind my knee! The therapist laid a rolled up rag behind my knee and the jumping hamstring muscle kept knocking it off!

Once I got the leg in the up position, I would tell it to go down and it would start to, then kick back up and then head back down, and the fight was on again. I had never yet experienced this during therapy!! I am used to commanding my body to do something and it does absolutely nothing. To have it do a little bit of what I said, and then jump around like crazy and do it’s own thing the rest of the time was….confusing to me. I didn’t know to laugh at it – because it is really, really unusual – or to get mad!

I asked my therapist why this was happening. He said “welcome to the world of spasms.” He said he could take the rest of the session explaining it in detail, but the basic idea was that because of the messed up communication, my nerves were trying to get signals to my muscles, but they were confused and weren’t getting simple commands. Some of my paralyzed friends I have met along this road, deal with this all the time and have to take medications to keep it under control. I have never had any major issues with it before though. He said that the ability to walk is based on quick responses from all kinds of your muscles (abdomen, glutes, quads, hip flexors, hamstrings, calves, ankle flexors) and that only my hips are responding pretty quickly to my command (at least until they get tired). So, we keep trying to train them to obey quickly and without confusion.

Wow. The application of this to our Christian life is very convicting to me. I think how many times, because my communication is not right with the Lord, I get “mixed signals” from God. The problem is not because He has not given a clear command or taught us in His Word. It is because my communication with Him (Bible reading, prayer, meditating on His Word, giving and singing praises to Him)is not right. We get mixed signals and we come out thinking and doing the wrong things.

We are such emotional people. We are up and down and up and down. We are so inconsistent in our spiritual lives. We keep working in our own strength, fighting and struggling to get things to go and work out like they are supposed to, but we have forgotten and missed the simple things we are commanded to do. Have I read my Bible today? Yesterday? This week? Have I talked to the Lord today – not just about my problems, but to fellowship with Him, thank Him for His blessings, rejoice that He is my Father? Have I been to church faithfully to be exhorted? We don’t do these simple things and then we wonder why we struggle at times. We live with mixed signals and then we take it out on God for why things aren’t working out right in my life.

I say this analogy is convicting because it is true in my life. How many times am I having a grumpy day and realize that the Lord did not get the “first fruits” of my morning? How many times have I ran to the Lord for comfort or help, but haven’t come to Him to just have a wonderful chat? How many times have I wanted Him to help me, but what have I done in my service for Him? How many times have I sought the “deeper” meanings and answers to life, and have failed to obey the simple things – like love one another…encourage one another…judge not…be ye kind…submit yourselves one to another…preferring one another…be ye holy….and on and on? I am guilty of all of these things.

A “jumpy” Christian is not stable, and like that old lantern light and my legs, they can be unpredictable, dangerous, and not very functional to the body of Christ.

So…every time my legs get jumpy, I want it to be a physical reminder for me to check my heart and life and make sure they aren’t jumpy too!

“A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.” James 1:8

“Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.” I Corinthians 15:58

One thought on “Feeling Jumpy

  1. Alicia, You are a remarkable writer. You so clearly state what you are dealing with that I almost think I could feel what you are feeling. You have a tremendous talent and are truly blessed. I hope this finds you well and dealing with the events of daily living. You are an inspiration to me – and probably to many. God bless you.Marsha Leighty


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