Since my wheelchair is one of the first things you see upon meeting me, I thought we should get a clear understanding of the relationship between me and my chair.
The months before I woke up paralyzed, my legs had been getting weaker and weaker. It had gotten to the point where I could only walk around about 15 minutes or so before I would get large numb patches in my legs. my balance would go haywire, and I would feel like I was wading through concrete. We would go to a store as a family and I would sit pitifully on a bench while Jimmy and the children would get our stuff. Jimmy would try to get me to let him push me in a store wheelchair and I would say “ABSOLUTELY NOT!”
I remember one particular day in Wal-Mart, Jimmy and I had a major argument. Witnessed by the shopping carts and 5 little sets of eyes, he was determined to push me and I was determined it wasn’t going to happen. I remember telling him that I would rather feel pathetic all alone on that bench then LOOK pathetic in that…that…that chair!!
When I woke up paralyzed on March 12, 2009, it occured to me in the weeks that followed that I would be living my life in one of those chairs! Over time, as i have used this chair, my relationship with it has changed. This chair is no longer something I “use”. I am not “confined” to this chair. I “cling” to this chair!! It is no longer an accessory for me – it is part of me! It helps to define what and who Alicia Reagan is.
I have developed some strong opinions about my chair. I don’t want people pushing “me”, I don’t want people leaning on “me”, I want my personal zone acknowledged or I might accidentally “step” on your toes! This chair is my legs! It does not hinder me – it allows me freedom!!
In fact, I have this recurring dream. I dream all the time that I am sitting on the couch, or on a church bench, or at a restaurant and everyone gets up to leave and I can’t find my wheelchair. I am always panicked in my dream asking everyone “where is my chair?!” Even in my subconscious mind I know my chair and I should not be separated!
So many times we look at the Word of God as an accessory. WE look at it as something necessary for old or weak people. We acknowledge that is is a helpful thing in our lives but we would rather sit on the bench of our lives feeling pathetic, then to humble ourselves and be helped.
Many times, it is at the point of our lives when we have nothing else to cling to that we finally turn to God’s Word for answers. It takes something major for us to realize that God’s Word and it’s teachings are not there to hinder us in our lives but to lead us to freedom in Christ!
How much greater if our Bible was not something that we just “use” but something that is part of us. Something we depend on and cling to so much that we get some strong emotions about it and even in our subconscious minds we would dwell on. Something that becomes so real in our life, it is a part of us and defines who and what we are.
My prayer for you, my friends, and for me is that our relationship with the Word of God will change and deepen as we live a life using it every day!