I am sitting here in my comfy chair thoroughly enjoying our lazy-Monday-day-off. My wheelchair is seated in front of me as I have my legs propped up in it. We have allowed the kids to make tents all over the living room and have declared a no-nap day. I hope I don’t regret this!
My darling little guy, Elisha, is used to extra sleep so he decided to come take a little rest on Mommy. As he climbed over the tire of my wheelchair, he said, “Mommy, I lay on your legs okay?” “Okay buddy”, I said. I just set there for a minute taking it all in and rubbing his fuzzy little head.
I have never stopped being amazed at how I don’t feel things. Jimmy will rub down my back sometimes and I will laugh and tell him it is like clap on/clap off. – now I feel you/now I don’t. He will rub my feet really hard sometimes to try and help the circulation and stop the horrible, burning jack hammers going on in my feet when they get cold and I can hear the sound of his hands rubbing my skin but feel nothing. I haven’t gotten over the weirdness of that yet.
I sat there and watched my Elisha snuggling my legs and I didn’t feel any of it. I could see him, I knew the facts, but I felt no evidence of any of it. The feeling was gone. It just isn’t there anymore. Don’t worry, I’m not feeling sorry for myself. It is a WONDERFUL spiritual lesson!
You have felt it and so have I…or maybe I should say we “haven’t” felt it. You know, God’s presence!! We know the facts, we know that He will never leave us or forsake us…but we are just not feeling it! If He was with me, then why am I miserable? If He is with me, then where is all that joy and peace He promised? If He is with me, then why I am going through this? If He is with me, WHY AM I NOT FEELING IT?!!!
In my case, there is a major connection problem in my spinal cord and it wreaked havoc on my feelings! I am afraid that when I feel that way spiritually, it is also because of a connection problem. We think that because we don’t feel God, He must have taken a vacation from us for awhile. But thankfully, He is not like us. We take vacations from Him…not the other way around. He is still there – holding us, loving us, longing to comfort us – but somewhere along the line, we have unplugged our connection to Him.
Trust me, there have been many times I have wondered why my feelings weren’t matching what I knew to be true. Physically, there is nothing I can do about it, but spiritually I am not without hope. When we aren’t “feeling” something, plug in those connections. Read His Word and TALK to Him. Tell Him everything you are struggling with. Don’t doubt in the dark what you knew in the light. Just keep the God-connection going. You wait and see…the feeling will come back again.
(I was enjoying this special time so much I asked for my camera and snapped it while it lasted!)