I was driving through an area with some really pretty houses today. I LOVE architecture….with a passion! If my hubby wants to make me really happy, he can just drive me through a neighborhood and let me look at all the beautiful houses. I love their color, their porches, the location of their doors and windows. I sit and dream…of how I would design a dream house if I ever had the opportunity. To be honest, I still don’t have a clue! I love so many different styles I would have a hard time picking.
Today, I was driving and every time I looked at a house, my eyes were drawn to the steps. Steps….my mortal enemy. I was noticing how some houses only had one step onto their patio, others would have 3 or 4 that led to their porch, and then a few had full flights of grand stairs leading to their entrances. I thought, “I love the grand entrances, but I can’t do that many steps!” My next thought was, “I can handle one or two steps but not a whole flight!”
You want a confession though? I CAN”T even do one or two steps! It is true that with a whole flight of steps that I have to get out of my chair and pull my body up one step at a time while someone else carries my chair to meet me at the top. With only one or two steps, typically someone can just pop me up them and I don’t have to get out of my chair so it is easier. However, I have to have help either way.
So, what is it that makes me think I can do a couple steps but not a whole flight? Arrogancy maybe? Maybe because it doesn’t look quite as intimidating? Maybe because it is easier? But, it is still a delusion because I can’t do them. Someone else helps me do them. I find myself extremely guilty of this in my Christian life.
The big problems, the big obstacles, the big opportunities…I am crying out to God to help me, strengthen me, sustain me, uphold me. I am admitting how frail and weak I am. How I need Him and I cannot do without Him. How if He doesn’t help me, I just won’t be able to do it!
Then, there are the little things. You know, the ones that I can handle? Like the fruit of the Spirit for example – love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, patience, kindness. Why don’t I beg God for those things every day? Maybe because I’m arrogant. Maybe because there are other more spiritual things I can “do” (not “be”) that are easier and less intimidating. Maybe because deep in my awful, prideful heart, I really think I can do without Him.
Oh, God how I need your help. I can’t even need you without You!