How can I really talk about my God? He is mine. All mine. I love Him. I adore Him. He is my Father and I am His child. I think that is the sweetest relationship I can think of.
My love for God ever grows and as it grows, I realize how shallow it still is in comparison to His love for me. I think often of why God would love me. I know deep inside how much I fail Him. I know deep inside how wicked my flesh is. I know deep inside that I am not worthy of one ounce of His mercy. And deeper still, He knows me better than I do, and He loves me anyway.
I have always loved and wanted to serve God (and equally pretty consistently failed Him I’m sure). But it wasn’t until I became paralyzed, that our relationship took on a new meaning. I suddenly was SO alone and no one understood. I was vulnerable and very confused. I knew and trusted enough that I never lost sight that HE knew, but this battle raged in my mind and emotions. “I thought serving God equalled blessing and not serving God equalled cursing? Why have I been cursed with paralysis when I was serving You?” I would lay in bed, unable to even turn on my own, and just talk to God. I would ask Him all these things (He knew what I was thinking anyway so we talked about it).
I was so out of control, so childlike, so stripped of what I thought was my dignity, so dependent….and it hit me. This is where God has me. Not because He can flex the muscle of His power, but to have me so in His arms that He can comfort me and teach me, without me pulling away like a child that no longer wants snuggled but wants to play. I could not play. I could only lay in His arms and ask Him to help me. And He did, again and again. He was not the impatient parent that told me to go play and quit asking Him questions. He was not the grumpy parent that told me to be quiet as I was getting on His nerves. He was not the scolding parent that told me a 12 step plan for how to stay out of future messes. No, He was the loving and patient parent that listened and guided me.
We are told that the greatest commandment is to love God. Ever wonder why the greatest commandment isn’t to fear God? Because there is no fear in perfect love. No threats. No insecurities. No bullying. Just pure love that radiates from a pure heart. His heart. Every good thing is from above and so the best love we could ever imagine here on sinful earth is all from Him. Imagine that love with no imperfection or human qualities. I can’t imagine it because I always seem to re-create God’s love in my image. That is not how it is though because His love for me is pure.
I have a fear of God that does not mean I am scared of Him. I am not scared of Him just as my children are not scared of their father. However, it is because of my love for Him that I want to please Him and obey Him. I do not want to replace Him in my life with other loves. Fear is not my greatest motivator – love is!
When my love is human and unfaithful and He is replaced by other things, His love is divine, never changes, and is always beckoning me to come back to Him. If you do not know Him, write me and let me introduce you to the God I love.