Have you ever listened to SO many voices that your head spins? I am trying to figure out what is what and who is who and where I fit in this picture. I look around me and see so many things that need people with a passion and a heart to just please commit to! Then, I look inside me and my home and I see so many things that need people with a passion and a heart to just please commit to! In both of those scenarios I am there!
Truth is, in life, I expect this clear distinct line to crisply and cleanly define first priorities from second priorities. But it isn’t like that at all. It is more like a scribbled wobbly road straight from K4! Riding that road can make me a little woozy too!
Sometimes, I just sit there with my head spinning. A lady in my church tells me I cannot save the world. She is right. But then a friend tells me that God is using my life to help so many others. I pray she is right. My husband tells me that he could not imagine pastoring his church without me next to him in the saddle. I pray I can always be a blessing to him. My kids have needs and desires from me and they are for sure my top priority! I see other disabled wives, moms and friends who need support and encouragement and ask me to please keep leading the way. Where did that line go?
As I frantically chase to stay on the line….the balance between what I can do vs. what I should do….I develop emotional vertigo.
Have you ever had vertigo? I don’t mean feeling dizzy. I mean full blown vertigo. When you have vertigo, you can’t walk. You can’t sit up. You can’t even move your eye balls!! Your balance is SO off, you feel like you are on a sickening merry-go-round that won’t let you off. It is horrible. Once when I had it, a lady in my church who suffered much from it, told me some good advice. She said, “When everything is spinning, try to focus your eyes on one object and just hold them there. It is not easy but just keep focusing on that one object. Everything will slow down and ease up.” Sure enough! She was right!
I have found that when I have a case of emotional vertigo, if I just stop…and listen for that still small voice…and keep my eyes focused on Jesus….everything calms down.
Last year, I was completely overwhelmed with homeschool. NOT because it wasn’t a priority, but because I have 6 children – one of which was starting high school, one who was starting kindergarten, and 2 who were still not reading because of dyslexia. I knew I was going to do more damage to my children trying to continue in that direction. The Lord opened up a door and we went through it. It has been a tremendous help and blessing to us. You can read more of that story here. That was a head spinning time. I spent many a night praying and asking the Lord to please show us the right way. He did. This year, I have already had to make some more major decisions and I have another one facing me. He has led. He will lead again.
I do not believe that we can always know the line. If we did, we would not need Jesus to guide us. It is not the straight roads that have me questioning a driver’s abilities. It is the curvy, scary ones. It is not the easy seasons of life that challenge my trust in the Lord. It is the scary ones.
There is no real trust unless there is a real test of that trust.
Sometimes, I need to add something in my life because God is stretching me in service to others. Sometimes, I need to delete something in my life because God knows that it is a direction and not where I am needed the most.
I do not know the line or the path of my life, but God does. I do not know what to add or delete, but God does. I do not know if I am doing too much or too little, but God does. My head spins when I try to figure all these things out before it is my time to know.
Philippians 2:13 says, “For it is God which worketh in you both to will and to do of his good pleasure.” God is still in the working business in my life. He will continue to guide me as He always has.
Emotional vertigo has a cure. Just keep focusing on Jesus. He will guide you one day at a time, one decision at time, just as He always has. Take a deep breath. It’s going to be okay.